What goes on in the OCD mind: 2. No Choice

Inside my mind I know of course why I can’t tolerate something. It’s because of OCD. It told me I can’t. But it didn’t just tell me though. It wrote the rule. It changed my rules of humanity, redefining the world around me into its version of reality. Some of the OCD self-help books use a strategy to remind you that it’s not you that is thinking the recursive obsessive thoughts but it’s OCD. It can be very useful to realise and keep realising what is an OCD thought and what isn’t. This is something like mindful awareness, where you distance yourself from the OCD so that you can remember and relearn that your thoughts have been invaded by OCD. Of course, it’s not a little voice in your head that you can hear which is telling you anything. None of us OCD people are literally hearing people talking in our heads telling us to worry about something, or avoid something. We instinctively just think OCD thoughts naturally. I am OCD, in a sense. It’s a part of me. I’m aware that it’s totally integrated now into my mind in a way like a virus has infected every aspect of my brain, reprogramming it to behave and think a different way; the OCD way. Its way is the only way. He who must be obeyed. There is no choice when it comes down to OCD or me. Yet I can work around the OCD and do on many occasions, but if it comes down to a simple choice when it’s either comply with the OCD thought or not, then it’s almost always OCD that will win out.