What’s the punishment for not compiling with OCD? Well, this
is sometimes the £100,000 question as it’s not always a tangible pain that is
feared. It’s undoubtedly something bad. Really bad. But not necessary a
physical injury to yourself or someone else. Just knowing that not doing what
the OCD thinks is bad enough. It’s like worrying about worrying. If you can
just stop the worrying by performing a task then it’s a simple action you would
think. I do a particular task dictated to by OCD and all that immediate fear
goes away. I know it’s not the way to setting yourself free long term from OCD,
to just give into it, but when your vision of the world around you has been
transformed by OCD it’s easy to do what the OCD says because in a way it’s the
normal thing to do. It doesn’t seem like I’m obeying anything or anyone. Just
that I’m living a life that, although I know is shaped by OCD, I don’t see it
as unnatural. It’s frustrating and annoying at times yes, but it still doesn’t
feel unnatural. The reason for this is because the nature of the threats that
OCD makes me feel … feels normal. I know OCD isn’t natural, but when it’s telling
me there is something to worry about, it feels like a simple obvious fact. Of course it’s
something to worry about, that person, that clothing, that place or that item.
Why? Because I know it is, as that’s just the way the world I now know
operates. It doesn’t feel like OCD is telling me this, because my perception has
changed. I can see all the dots that join up to spell something to worry about,
something that many other people can’t. I know how life works and I know what’s
hidden where the majority of people can’t see or think of these fears. Yes, the
most people can’t see that contamination or issues to worry about that I can. Am
I bothered? More fool them!
